How do I choose bridesmaids?

Dear Bridal Coach

I’m getting married in 2012 and have been thinking about how to choose my bridesmaids.  I’m having a medium sized wedding and would like one maid of honour and 2 bridesmaids but don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by not choosing them.  Help!

Melody Smith, Riuslip

Dear Melody

This seems to be a difficult decision for many brides, especially when you have a lot of friends and family but only want a few bridesmaids.  My best advice is to look at what you want in your bridesmaids.  For example, some of your friends or family will be good at organising and pay attention to detail, which is very useful when planning a wedding.  Some may have great people skills and will be a great asset before and during the wedding if you have to deal with awkward people!  Some friends may be very calm and when you are around them you feel good.  This is massively important to get you through your big day in a calm manner.  Some friends make you laugh and as you know, when you laugh you release endorphins (feel good chemicals) and this is invaluable to keep sane during the wedding preparations!

Imagine you are going on a sail boat and going out to sea for a short trip.  Do you want people who look good or have skills to get you from A to B in a calm, efficient manner?  I think you would want someone who could steer the boat, read a map, cook, stay calm under pressure and make the journey a pleasant one.

So, when choosing bridesmaids don’t pick the prettiest, slimmest or your groom’s sister because you feel obliged to.  Pick women who will be a great support team on your big day and will make your journey a fabulous one!

Having trouble agreeing with your Mother?

Dear Bridal Coach

I love my Mother dearly and she wants to be involved in the wedding.  The problem is we both have strong opinions on decision making so I’m making all the decisions with my fiancée.  My Mother now feels left out.  How can I include her without arguing with her all the time?

Naomi H, Guildford

Dear Naomi

I’ve been asked a similar question many times in different ways and I have a great tip for you to solve this sticky situation.  Your Mother wants to be involved and the best thing to do is to give her a responsibility.  She wants to feel needed and part of the planning but probably doesn’t know how so give her a specific job.  It’s great for every bride to have an emergency or survival kit to hand and mothers are best at organising one.  Ask your mother to organise and purchase all the things she thinks you will need on your wedding day.  Give her a few hints like pins, double-sided tape, breath mints but ask her to choose and organise the rest on her own.  She will love this responsibility as it is a nurturing thing to do and will give her the opportunity to be clever and add some fun things that you haven’t even thought of!  Then on your wedding day, ask her to be available with the kit and you will give her the nod if you need something.  She will be involved, but not too involved.