I speak to a lot of brides and a topic that comes up again and again is control. When a bride begins to plan a wedding she is suddenly put in control of a lot of things like a large budget, where to have the wedding, who to invite, what to wear, what to eat, what music to have and so on.
Of course, she includes her fiancé in these decisions as much as possible, however she is ultimately in charge. As she makes more decisions, she becomes more confident and more overwhelmed at the same time! She also wants more control and begins to realise that there are some things that she can’t control like weather, relatives and travel. And as one bride recently told me that “The things I can’t control stress me out the most!”
The thing is that when the bride is planning the wedding she can begin to develop disproportionately strong feelings over details. Especially the details that she can’t control and this creates intense stress. Here are some of my top tips to manage unrealistic expectations about things that you can’t control:
- SBS…Stop, Breathe, Solve! This is my number one tip as it works every time.
- You can’t control the weather so let it go! You live in the UK so it’s very likely that it will rain. If the sun comes out, it’s a bonus!
- As yourself, will this apparently life-altering detail really matter a year from now, or even a day from now.
- Check in with your fiancé regularly to see how you both are doing and ask him if you are behaving out of character around the wedding planning. Listen to his answer!
- Friends, relatives and alcohol can create a feisty situation. Once someone has had too much to drink, coffee won’t instantly change it so ask for help from other friends and relatives to help diffuse the situation.
- Keep everything in perspective. It is a wedding, filled with love and joy, not how rare the beef is or how cold the Champagne is. What matters are you and your fiancé’s state of mind and mood. Keep them positive!
- Some brides I talk to regret that they got so stressed during the wedding planning and want a chance to do it again because they realise it can be a wonderful experience. Get it right the first time…enjoy!
- And finally…your wedding day is meant to be a joyous time but there will be more wonderful and joyous days in your married life so take the pressure off and have fun!